Innocence Lost

I remember the very first time he held me in his arms. Those strong powerful arms, the ones that would always protect me. He radiated joy and every person in his vicinity felt it. Of course, I was too young to understand all this but my mother always told this story well at bedtime. My first piggy back ride, my first Barbie-doll, my first trip to the beach, my Daddy was always with me. I would wait for him to come back from his office to hug me and tell me how much he loved me. Once I figured out the usage of a telephone, the first number I memorised was his! Chocolates, pretty frocks, anything I ever desired for were at my feet before I could ask for them twice. I loved my Daddy. As I grew older, I noticed that mama and daddy fought a lot, they threw things at each other and the house was always filled with mama’s cries and daddy’s yells. Daddy started coming home late from office, sometimes never at all! Mama grew quieter day by day. Daddy started smelling weird when he came back home from office, he couldn’t walk straight and his speech sounded very different.

One night, daddy came home when I was in my room. I held my Barbie tightly and wished for him and mama to stop fighting. He then came into my room and I never felt happier in my life. My Daddy has come again to read me my favourite bed-time story as before. He sat next to me on my bed, I could smell that weird smell again, but I didn’t care, my Daddy was with me! He stroked my hair and slowly moved closer, I was a little shocked but Daddy’s hugs always cheered me. This time the hug graduated to something else, the pain! I tried screaming out aloud but he stifled my cries, the same strong arms that fought for me once were now holding me down. Waves of pain lashed across my body and when he finally left me, I was too scared to move. Why Why Why?? Why did MY Daddy do this to me?

Daddy visited my room often after that, I did not understand why he hurt me so, maybe I was a bad girl at school and my teacher complained, maybe mama told him that I stole chocolates from the fridge when no one was looking… I will never know. Daddy coming home now made my body shiver, he hit me more than once while punishing me if I did something wrong, my body trembled with fear in his presence. Months became years till I finally figured out how that man had been punishing me!

Fear turned to anger and anger turned to fear again, what if he hurts mama and me? Mama already looks so sad and dejected, if he stops punishing me, maybe he’ll start hurting her more. No, I have to be strong; I have to do the right thing. Monsters like him belong behind bars and deserve the harshest of sentences. For having violated the holiest of relationships with his evil desires, he deserves no mercy.

I have finally told mama and she is shocked! To my amazement, I see a mama that I haven’t seen in a long time. Mama grows stronger as I tell her how daddy’s been punishing me all these years. The anger in her eyes scares me but also fill me with a strong sense of protection. This strength that I have derived from her is now helping me confront him. Mama will never be quiet ever again and he will get what he deserves.